Reflections
by Greenabsinthia
Summary: Eric n' Sooks - Summer of '69 One-shot Contest. AH, slightly OOC. One of the students asked me today if I regretted anything I had experienced growing up. Nothing, I regret nothing – each thing that happened made me the woman I am today.


**Eric n' Sooks - Summer of '69 One-shot Contest**

**Title: Reflections**

**Your Pen name: Greenabsinthia**

**Characters: Eric/Sookie**

**Disclaimer: Ms. Harris owns everything, I just play games with the characters.**

_A/N: Txone and __mischievousmaya you guys saved my butt on this one. You deserve a huge basket of lemony goodness. There's a little nod to my friend F and his 'lady', Lucy, in the fic as thanks for his help with everything era related. Let me know what you think._

**Reflections**

September 1999

I was asked today, by my students, what I remember from the 60's and 70's. We were talking about the 30th anniversary of the 1969 Moon Landing in the American History class I teach at Bon Temps High. Only three things come to mind - war, death and love. I know it seems like a cliché, but I was so young back then. I thought the world was at my feet just waiting for me to explore it; become somebody important, maybe even ensure world peace or end hunger. We were all idealists back then- we had our own notions of how we wanted the world to be. It's funny how things never turn out the way you to expect them to.

I was born on March 8th 1949, my brother, Jason, three years earlier. It was the aftermath of World War II, and people were still suffering from the effects of it.

My mother died giving birth to me. My Gran once told me the death was caused by an undetected aneurysm. The cause didn't matter to me, I still felt guilty, especially because our father had to raise us alone. He tried to make it work, but I guess he was too consumed by the grief of losing our mother. He just couldn't take care of a newborn baby and toddler. He left us in the care of our paternal grandparents, the Stackhouses. Father moved to Utah after that, we heard from occasionally and he would send us a card on our birthdays, but he never came to visit us. Gran and Granpa took us in, no questions asked, and took care of us. Both of them mourned the loss of not only their daughter-in-law, but also their son. Gran accepted the cards Fate had dealt her. Sadly, Granpa never fully recovered from the loss and died when I was four years old "of a broken heart" Gran would say. I have no clue how Gran managed to raise us the way she did. Jason was a handful to say the least and I retreated into the world of books and history. We dealt with our sorrow how we saw fit and Gran let us.

My brother was the school troublemaker and heartthrob, but he excelled at sports. He was captain of the football team; he even got a football scholarship to Louisiana State, but didn't go. I'll never understand his decision, I guess he wanted to make our father and Granpa proud- both war veterans.

When he graduated high school in 1964 he joined the Marines together with most of his friends, Hoyt, Sam, Lafayette, Terry and Rene - all except his best friend Eric. We all grew up together and all of them thought of me like their little sister. Imagine how annoying that was when all your girlfriends did nothing but fawn over them and you were labeled as their surrogate little sister. Even Gran became a kind of substitute parent and grandparent to the group of guys. Any problem we might have had, we could always come to Gran.

Not long after World War II our country started to send troops to Vietnam to prevent Communism taking over South Vietnam. Some didn't call it a war, but a military conflict. To the people involved, the millions of servicemen and women who were sent there and their families, it was unquestionably a war. Jason and the rest of the guys were deployed to Vietnam in 1965. My brother was among the over 3000 Marines that landed at China Beach to defend the air base at Da Nang.

That summer was hotter than usual. Jason had sent us a few letters ensuring us he was okay. He didn't offer any information about what happened around them - he probably didn't want to scare us. Despite the war, death and destruction he said Vietnam was beautiful. I can't imagine how the soldiers managed to look past the atrocities and see something beautiful. Along with a huge amount of the public, I didn't agree with sending troops to Asia. I'd heard there was supposed to be a student protest in Washington DC in April, I had never been outside of the State of Louisiana, so I wanted to go. Gran all but spanked me for that.

"We have kin over there fighting for democracy and you don't want to support them. Shame on you missy. Furthermore, you're just 16 years old young lady – who is going to look after you? " She said, obviously hurt by my decision. Needless to say I didn't go to Washington.

I worked hard in school. Let's face it there wasn't much else to do in Bon Temps. Eric came around the house once in a while to hear news from Jason. I was sure Gran would have liked to give Eric a piece of her mind about not going to Vietnam like the rest of the boys, but she didn't. He lived with his sister, Pamela, and his nephew, not far from our house. Both of them had been part of our extended family for as long as I can remember. He was always the fun-loving guy, the spirit of the group, but that summer it seemed like he became more and more depressed. He didn't go off to college, but worked at the local hardware store to support his sister and her son. I didn't see much of him since I'd taken a summer job at Merlotte's, the town diner owned by Sam's parents.

I was looking forward to going back to school, one year closer to graduation and hopefully a scholarship to university - preferably out of the state. I loved my Gran, I loved our house, but Bon Temps was slowly suffocating me. It was the beginning of August and I was getting more and more restless. Gran and I had just gotten back from church and were getting ready to sit down for a late lunch on the porch. Maybe it was a sign, but Rev. Newlin's sermon had been almost apocalyptic. A black car pulled up the driveway, two uniformed men and Rev. Newlin stepped out. Time seemed to slow down. It took forever for the three men to reach the porch. Gran was standing by the steps. Rev. Newlin stepped up to her and put a hand on her shoulder. He didn't need to say anything. We both knew what was to come when the car approached the house.

Gran was crying and kept saying "my boy, my boy". The Reverend tried to comfort her and led her into the house. The men in uniform had yet to speak, but one of them finally approached me and sat down next to me.

"Miss Stackhouse, I'm Major Brown. I am sorry to inform that your brother, Cpl. Jason Stackhouse, was killed two days ago at Da Nang. . ."

"Stop...Please just stop."

Major Brown handed me an envelope, the official papers regarding Jason's death. They told me they would be in touch with us regarding Jason's remains, and promptly left. I don't know how long I sat staring into the air, eventually I made my way into the house. Gran and Rev. Newlin were sitting in the living room in a silent prayer. I just looked at them. After a while the Reverend looked up at me.

"Sookie please be a sweetheart and go make your Gran a cup of nice strong tea. I'm going to call Mrs. Newlin and have her come over. You shouldn't be alone at a time like this."

I didn't say a word. I just went to the kitchen. Gran came in shortly after and hugged me, but didn't say anything. I had yet to cry, I couldn't. It was all too much. Jason was supposed to have gone to college. He should have met a nice girl and married her, had babies; but now he was rotting away across the world all because the Administrators of our country decided to send him there. I knew it was his choice to join the Marines, but even if he hadn't, he would most likely have been sent there anyway because of the draft; none of that mattered, he was dead. Gran took a step back and looked at me for a moment before she spoke.

"Sweetie, would you please go over to Eric's house and tell him? He needs to know," she said softly.

"But..." I didn't get to finish before she interrupted me.

"Now Sookie, he's just as much part of this family as you and I, he needs to know." I nodded and went out the back door to get my bike.

Like everything else that day, the trip to Eric's house seemed to take forever. I grew increasingly angrier the closer I got to the house. I didn't know what to say to him. What could I say? He was alive and my brother was dead. When I got to the house I threw my bike on the ground and stormed towards the house. Eric answered the door. For some odd reason I remember exactly the way he looked – shabby jeans, a green t-shirt in the same tattered state as his jeans and black boots, his hair was a bit longer than usual, but still short and the same blonde color as my own. I'm sure I looked infuriated, sad or something, I honestly don't remember, but I did remember the look on his face when he saw me. Initially he smiled when he opened the door, but his expression quickly changed when he saw the way I looked.

"Sookie, what's..." I didn't allow him to finish before I slapped him across the face.

"What the hell..."

"You happy now?" I shouted. "Are you happy to be here alive living your life and your best friend is in Vietnam...dead. Yeah, that's right they just came by a while ago to tell us."

Tears were running freely down my cheeks, Eric reached out his arm and tried to pull me to him, but I pushed him away.

"Gran asked me to tell you and I did. I hope you're happy now."

I ran back to my bike and left a fast as I could. I heard him yelling for me to stop, to come back, but I kept going. I couldn't stay there one second longer.

When I got home the house was full of people – Hoyt's mother, Mrs. Fortenberry, Mrs. Merlotte, Mrs. Newlin and a few more. I didn't get to see who else were there. I ran to my room, threw myself on the bed and cried for what felt like hours. At some point my friend, Tara came up to my room and held me, making soothing sounds. I didn't leave my room for days.

During the following days people came around with food so Gran and I wouldn't have to worry about anything. Tara tried to get me to come out of my room, tried to make me eat, but I refused. She told me Eric had come by to pay his respects. I hated him for it. He had no right to show his face here. Respect? It would have been more respectful to stay away. Of course, Gran had welcomed him with open arms.

A week after we received the tragic news we were informed that Jason's body would be brought to Bon Temps on August 20th and funeral arrangements were made for the 23rd. Jason would have a funeral becoming a U.S. Marine. The entire town showed up to show their support. Rev. Newlin held a very beautiful service. Eric was there too, but stayed as far back as possible. In the time after we found out Jason had been killed nobody had said anything about why Eric wasn't shipped off like most of the young men from Bon Temps. I made eye contact with him when two Marines lifted the flag off Jason's coffin and started to fold it together; he was crying. When the Marines presented the flag to Gran, Eric left.

Our house was filled to the brim with people after the funeral, I couldn't stand being there. Everybody told me how sorry they were, told me how strong I was being, how I needed to look after Gran now. Gran and I would look after each other like we had always done. I left the house and went down to the creek behind the house – I needed some air so I could clear my head. When I got there, Eric was standing under a tree looking at the water. I was about to leave when he spoke.

"Don't leave Sookie. I need to talk to you."

I tuned around, but kept my eyes fixed on the ground. I couldn't look him in the face.

"I've got nothing to say to you Eric. Just leave me alone, better yet, leave us alone," I said angrily.

He walked closer to me, put a finger under my chin and lifted my head so our eyes would meet.

"You might not have anything to say, but I do. Please, please just listen to me," he whispered.

Sighing, I nodded in agreement. Eric took a deep breath before he began.

"Jason was my best friend - you know that. He was like a brother to me. I made a promise to him before he left; I promised I would look after you and Gran while he was gone or in case anything should happen to him. I've failed utterly and completely. I begged him not to join unless he was drafted. Your family has lost so much, it wouldn't be fair if you lost him too - but being Jason of course he wouldn't listen. He just said he had to. I'm sorry Sookie, I'm sorry I couldn't be there to look after him and I'm sorry I can't be the person you expect me to be. I'm sorry."

We were both crying. I wasn't crying because of his words or apology, but because I was furious with him.

"Why didn't you go? You always did everything together, why didn't you go too?" I was slamming my fists against his chest and screaming until my voice disappeared. Eric pulled me close, held me and let me crying in his arms.

"I wanted to, believe me, and I tried, but the Marines wouldn't accept me," he whispered against the top of my head.

"Why not?" I sobbed.

"I have a heart condition, Sookie…nothing serious, but enough for me not to be accepted into the armed forces. I'm sorry. I'm leaving today, I can't stay here anymore. It's just too hard for me to look people in the eyes after this."

"So, you're just going to leave like a coward?" If I was angry a minute ago, it was nothing compared to how I was feeling now.

"Yeah I guess I am..." he said.

"Go to Hell, Eric Northman!" I yelled. He stopped for a few seconds, but didn't turn around, before he walked away.

I stayed at the creek for a while thinking about what had just happened. How the hell could he be so selfish? How could he go back on every promise he made Jason? I wanted to beat the shit out of him and tell him to man up, but he just left with his tail between his legs. _Coward!!_

A few days after the funeral Gran wanted to pack Jason's room together and give his clothes and whatever we didn't want to keep to the Red Cross. I had told her what Eric had said. She just said that Eric had to do what he thought best and I had to make peace with that.

A week later we were told both Sam and Hoyt had been killed as well. We went to the families and extended the same kindness they had shown us – offering shoulders to cry on, cooking food and so on. Before funeral arrangements could be made, Hurricane Betsy hit Louisiana, leaving nothing but destruction and chaos. New Orleans was hit worst of all and its' citizens relocated to different parts of the state.

The funerals for the boys were finally held and the day after we heard Rene had been killed as well. The town of Bon Temps was in a state of perpetual mourning for the duration of that year.

Lafayette and Terry came home after they had been wounded in combat. It was hard for them to be back and face the families of their dead friends every day. Terry took over Eric's job at the hardware store and Lafayette became a cook at Merlotte's. He said he had promised Sam to help out his folks and he would honor that promise. At least somebody knew what honor was. The town saw both men as heroes. I doubt they felt that way. Gran made sure to have them over for dinner as often as possible and even offered for them to have the two guest rooms if they needed a place to stay. That's how both of them came to live with us. Neither of them earned a lot of money so Gran let them live in the house for free provided they would help fix up the old place and pay for groceries whenever they had any money to spare.

Life went on in Bon Temps; the house got fixed up, I did well in school, we didn't hear anything from Eric. Gran asked Pamela how he was doing once in a while, but was only told he was doing fine. Pamela and her boy moved to Shreveport at the end of the year. She had gotten a job at a huge department store and was able to provide for herself and her son without Eric's help. I did what Gran had told me and made peace with Eric's decision to leave Bon Temps.

In 1967 I graduated high school at the top of my class and received a full scholarship to Sarah Lawrence. I didn't feel bad about leaving Gran, she wanted me to get a good education and she wanted me to be happy. I was grateful that Terry and Lafayette were living in the house so Gran wouldn't be alone.

Arriving at the college was overwhelming to say the least. Luckily for me, my new roommate, Amelia, and I became fast friends. Amelia was a free spirit and loved to have fun. I've lost count of all the times she snuck her boyfriend Tray into our room and I had to stand guard. Until 1968 Sarah Lawrence was an all-girls' college and boys were strictly forbidden at the dorms. The first year at college was hard work. I wanted to become a teacher and strived to live up to the school's motto "Wisdom with Understanding". Granted I was probably a complete bore, but I wanted to excel and make Gran proud. She used to be a teacher as well.

By my second year I was in a comfortable routine, which Amelia thought trivial. Tray and one of his friends, Bill, had both transferred to SL. Since everybody decided I was boring, they thought they would introduce me to the world of Ganja. The first time I smoked I didn't feel anything, which Amelia told me was to be expected. The second time went, shall we say, better. It was an amazing feeling – complete relaxation, not a worry in the world. During one of our wake n' bake weekends I told Amelia about my family and Eric, it was easier with a little help from the Ganja Goddess. It had been over three years since I saw Eric and I had made peace with the events that happened, but it still hurt to think about.

"So were you and Eric going together or something?" Amelia asked me one night, giggling.

"Oh, come on Ame, he was my brother's best friend, practically my brother." I took a puff of the doobie and passed it along to her.

"So what, it's not unheard of and from what you told me he sounds delicious." I rolled my eyes at her comment.

"Nope, nothing between us, my dear friend."

"So did you have boyfriend back in Bon Temps?" Uh oh I knew where this conversation was going.

"No, Amelia Broadway, I didn't have a boyfriend and before you ask, I haven't slept with anybody either. So can we just stop this conversation and smoke some more?" I really didn't want to have this conversation.

"Well, why not? You are total babe. I'm sure all the boys were dying to be with you. Bill digs you, you know."

I never considered myself a _babe_, as Amelia put it, I was rather generic looking – average height, long blond hair, blue eyes. Apparently my breasts were nice, or so I'd heard some of the guys on campus say one day as I walked by them.

"Amelia, I was pretty much one of the boys back home…wait, what? Bill digs me?" I blushed at the thought. Bill was tall, dark and handsome and a fellow Louisianan I might add, so were Amelia and Tray for that matter.

"He sure does, so maybe you should consider going out with him?" Subtlety was not one of Amelia's virtues.

"Um yeah, sure, maybe," I giggled.

Bill asked me out two days later and I'm sure Amelia had something to do with it. Bill and I were never officially a couple, but we did date and, yes, sleep together. My first time wasn't one of my proudest moments and the result of a little too much cherry wine and of course a little bit of pot.

I went home for Thanksgiving and brought Amelia, Tray and Bill with me. Gran loved having us. Even Lafayette and Terry seemed to enjoy the company for a few days. I went back for Christmas as well, but alone this time. I loved being back home with Gran, we spent hours on the porch sipping hot cocoa and I would tell her about my studies and the parties we went to, minus the pot of course. Somehow, I doubt Gran would have been upset, she was a bit of a free spirit herself before she met Granpa. I'm sure she would have told me to just look out for myself and trust my own judgment.

Spring break Amelia, the guys and I decided to stay on campus and just hang out and get a head start on studying for our finals. Finals came and went; all four of us were in the top percent of our respective classes. I went home for the summer and got my old job back at Merlotte's. Bon Temps never changed, but I had. I wasn't bored, but I needed some challenges and the local library only had a limited amount of interesting books. By the end of July I was sure I'd go mad, fortunately Amelia called to tell me they were going to a music festival in Bethel, New York. I left Bon Temps on the first bus out of there and went back to Bronxville. We spent a week planning the almost 400 mile drive to Bethel, which meant no planning and a lot of smoking. Tray bought a 1965 VW bus, fixed her up by painting her red and calling her Lucy.

"Don't ask," Amelia told me. "He has a thing for Lucille Ball."

We left on Tuesday the 13th leaving us plenty of time to get to Bethel by the 15th – knowing how our minds worked we would probably make a few unscheduled stops along the way. We picked up a few hitch-hikers – Malcom, Diane and Liam – all of them had instruments with them. We spent the next days taking turns driving, playing music and were completely mellowed out. By the time we got to Bethel the town and surrounding areas were a melting pot of people, music and chaos. Max Yasgur had gracefully allowed the organizers to use the large field attached to his farm – the area was surrounded by trees and there was even a lake. We managed to find a good camp spot by the trees a little secluded from the rest of the camps, as much as that was possible with the half million people that showed up. Diane, Liam and Malcom decided to set camp with some of their friends they had found. After we finished with the camp, we made our way to the field in front of the stage, Amelia and I giddy with excitement.

Richie Havens opened the festival. The way he strummed his guitar elevated the already shimmering vibe of the audience. We were sitting on the ground and Bill pulled me to sit between his outspread legs and I rested comfortably in his arms. I remember Amelia making flower garlands for our hair and she had managed to match the color of the flowers to our dresses. We both wore long, flowing summer dresses, hers was green and mine blue matching my eyes. By the time Mr. Havens finished his set the crowd was euphoric from the sound of his guitar and rhythmic beat of the drums and erupted in cheers and applause as he left the stage.

Swami Satchidananda gave the opening speech, his words reflected perfectly why so many of us had shown up – there was something greater out there to hold on to.

I couldn't help but think of Jason, he would have loved it here- the music, the freedom of it all. He would have been 23 years old and like the rest of us, ready to start his life and make it better his own way. I guess he thought he was by joining the Marines and going to Vietnam, but it only got him killed. I didn't want to think about it because frankly it was putting a damper on my otherwise excellent mood. My favorite band, Sweetwater, was set to play after Satchidananda's speech. As they began to play Amelia and I jumped up and started to dance, twirling round and round with our arms flowing up in the air. I noticed there was a guy snapping pictures of us as we moved around in little circles. When the band started playing "Motherless Child", Amelia sat down to catch her breath. I continued dancing in my own little universe and let the lyrics wash over me – the photographer kept snapping pictures, which made me smile.

_Sometimes I feel like a motherless child  
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child  
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child  
and I'm alone, and I'm alone away from my home_

As the second verse started he lowered his camera and looked directly at me.

_Eric_

My God, he had changed over the last four years. His hair was long, down past his shoulders, his body was more defined by muscles, and he hadn't forgone his worn jeans and t-shirt look. He wasn't the scared boy who had left Bon Temps anymore, but a grown man. I couldn't hold back a smile when I looked at him. I missed him. Without thinking about it, I walked over to him and threw my arms around his neck and hugged him. He seemed startled at first, but didn't pull back and after a moment he drew me closer and held me tight. He buried his face in my hair and gave me a quick kiss on the side of my neck. I didn't let go of him until the song ended. I pulled back a little to look at him, he was smiling, a real genuine smile.

"Eric, what on God's green Earth are you doing here?" I asked, practically beaming.

"Taking pictures obviously." He grinned and waved the camera in his hand.

"That's awesome…come meet my friends." I said as I grabbed his hand and dragged him over to my friends.

"Guys, this is Eric. We grew up together in Bon Temps. Eric, meet my roommate Amelia and this is Tray and Bill."

Amelia jumped up, hugged Eric and gave him a flower. I think he was a bit surprised by her loving gesture. Tray, Bill and Eric shook hands. I asked Eric to join us, but he seemed a little apprehensive and told me he had to go back to work, but I talked him into staying with us for a little while. I sat down beside Bill and pulled Eric down to sit next to me. Bill put his arm around my waist. I spotted Eric frowning at the gesture. I looked over at Amelia who winked and grinned at me, I just rolled my eyes.

I had really missed Eric. I was mad at him for a long time, but him being there so close to me I felt like I was home again hanging out with the boys at our house.

We listened to the rest of Sweetwater's performance. Bill's arm never left my body. He was holding on a little too tightly for my liking. We weren't a couple, but apparently Eric's presence made him slightly possessive, which I didn't understand. As the last song ended Eric leaned towards me and asked if we could go somewhere to talk, nodding in response I got up and told the others I was going to go chat with Eric.

"Are you going to be okay, Sweetie?" Amelia asked with a concerned expression in her eyes.

"Sure, we haven't seen each other in years - we've got a lot of catching up to do."

Walking through the masses we made our way to the lake. There were barely any people there since everybody was by the stage enjoying the first day of love, peace and music.

We sat down on a tree trunk that had been placed on the ground as a bench. We were both silent for a while, honestly the whole situation was a bit awkward since we hadn't talked for years.

"So, how have you been? Where have you been?" I asked breaking the silence. Eric sighed and looked at me, smiling a little.

"I'm okay, better now that we're talking. I've been around, here and there. I was in California for a while and Washington. I went to Canada, worked as a lumberjack for about a year. I took up photography while I was there, then I moved to New York City about a year ago and started working as freelance photographer for different magazines and news papers. Nothing major or anything, just enough to get by. What about you? How's Gran?"

I couldn't believe he lived so close to me for a year, I could have run into him on the street during one of my trips to the City. The lumberjacking certainly accounted for his physique; let's face it, the man looked good.

"I'm doing well. Graduated high school obviously and got a scholarship to Sarah Lawrence- I want to become a teacher like Gran."

The next part was going to be hard, ripping up old wounds, but he asked.

"Gran's fine, she got the house fixed up. She misses you, you know? You could have called or written her, anything really. You left without saying goodbye to her, and you know how she feels about all of you. You should have contacted her," I said, tears rolling down my face.

I went to wipe away the tears with the back of my hand, but Eric took my hand away and wiped the tears away with his thumb.

"I know. I just couldn't do it," he said, not looking at me, but at my hands in his.

"Is Bill your boyfriend?" he asked while still studying my hands.

I pulled my hands away.

"Is that what you wanted to talk to me about? 'Cause if that's it, then I'm out of here!"

I was beginning to remember why I had been mad at him in the first place - Eric was positively infuriating.

"Sookie wait, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just…I just have a bad feeling about him. I'm sorry. Please stay." He looked almost panicked.

"You _have a bad feeling about him_? Well you know what, stay out of my business! YOU. ARE. NOT. MY. BROTHER! It's not your job to look after me. I've done very well without you for the past four years! Besides, you made a promise to Jason, you broke that promise remember?" I was screaming at this point, who the hell did he think he was? Eric seemed to think he had some kind of right to dictate my life, but I wasn't having any of it.

I was about to leave when Eric grabbed my arms and practically shook me.

"Don't you think I don't know that? Don't you think it kills me every single day that I couldn't go with Jason and make sure he got home in one piece? I would give fucking anything to have gone instead!" Eric was fuming.

"Let go of me, you asshole, you're hurting me!" He noticed what he was doing and promptly let go.

"Why haven't you asked about the others? Jason wasn't the only who got killed! Sam, Hoyt, Rene… all of them are dead! Terry and Lafayette came home wounded body and soul! How the hell do you think they feel knowing they were the only ones who survived? Screw you Eric! I'm sorry I ran into you, do us both a favor and stay the hell away from me!"

It was exactly the same scene as when I went to tell him Jason had been killed – me screaming at Eric and leaving before he had a chance to say anything. Eric was yelling to stop and come back, but I kept running. I wanted to find the others and tell them we had to leave. I was trying to get back to the place where we had sat listening to music, I didn't look where I was going and ran smack into a guy with long black hair and tattoos all over his arms.

"Hey there Sugar, what's the rush? You looked seriously stressed out…not good for you…messes up your head…what you need is this…" he said and pulled out a little package from his pocket.

"What is it?" I asked.

"This," he said as he presented me with tablet, "is a whole lotta love."

Well, I definitely needed a little love. I took the pill and swallowed it.

"Groovy," the guy said and left.

I tried to find Amelia and the guys, but gave up and made my way back to our camp. The pill was starting to have its effect on me; I couldn't walk straight, everything was starting to get blurry. I made it to the camp and opened the door to the bus- I wanted to lie down and make whatever was happening to me stop. When I opened the door, I found Bill having sex with some brunette. I stumbled back and fell to the ground, shaking something awful. I heard Bill call my name, but I couldn't focus on him. I heard Amelia's voice too, she was screaming for Tray and Bill to help me. I don't know how much time passed, Amelia wouldn't stop screaming. At some point somebody was slapping my face, forcing me to open my eyes. Eric was looking down at me.

"Sookie, look at me…look at me….what did you take?...Sookie…look at me…don't close your eyes," he was speaking to me in an unyielding tone.

"…don't…can't…" was all I managed to say.

"It's alright Sweetie, it's alright. We got to get her moving," Eric said to the others.

"What can I do?" Bill added.

"Stay the fuck away from her is what you can do!" Eric snapped.

Eric was pulling me up from the ground trying to make me walk, but my legs wouldn't work.

"What do you need us to do, Eric?" Tray asked quietly.

"Get her some clean clothes, preferably something warm, towels, water and some food if you can find it. I'm going to take her down to the lake," Eric replied calmly.

He had his arm around me trying to make me cooperate; he was virtually dragging me along. He kept telling me to keep walking, keep my eyes open. I just wanted to lie down and make everything stop.

The hallucinations began when we got to the lake. The water rose up like long, black monster arms moving slowly towards me.

"NO! NO! GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT THIS! MAKE THEM GO AWAY!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Sssh ssshh…it's alright Sweetie, I got you. Nothing is going to happen. It's a bad trip. I'm going to take care of you, I promise." He was trying to sooth me, sadly it didn't work.

"DON'T LET THEM TAKE ME! DON'T LET THEM TAKE ME! THEY'RE GONNA KILL ME!"

"Nobody is going to kill you. I got you, I got you."

"MAKE IT STOP!"

"I will."

"Eric, we got the stuff. What do you need?" Amelia asked, sobbing a little bit.

"Just put the stuff down and leave us alone, okay? She most likely dropped some bad acid. She'll be okay in a while."

"I trust you man, make our girl alright, okay?" Tray said and walked away with Amelia.

"Sookie, I need you to listen to me, okay? I'm going to take you into the water. It'll be good for you. Okay Sweetie?"

"NO, IT'LL SWALLOW ME! DON'T MAKE ME! I DON'T WANT THIS! I DON'T WANT THIS!"

I don't know how I managed to stay coherent, nothing made sense. I was sure I was going to die. Bad trip indeed.

"It's not going to swallow you. You don't really have a choice here, Sookie," he said as he picked me up and walked us into the water. I was clinging on to him for dear life.

"See? We're alright. It's not going to swallow you. Now I'm going to dunk us under the water, okay? It'll be good for you," he said softly.

"I don't want this. I don't want this," I whispered over and over again. Suddenly I was under water. I tried to climb up Eric's body to the surface, but he held me firmly against himself. We were probably only submerged for a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity. When we got to the surface, I was gasping for air. Eric never let go of me. After a while he dunked us under the water again and again- I lost count at two.

I don't know how much time we spent in the lake. I was more aware of what was going on by the time he got us out of the water. He carried me over to the tree trunk we had sat on earlier and started to undress me. Normally I would have objected, but I was still a little out of it, so I just let him. He was drying me off with the towels Amelia and Tray had brought us. I tried looking him in the eyes but it was still hard to keep my focus. He put a sweater and long skirt on me and then he picked me up in his arms and started walking in the opposite direction of the camp.

"Where are you taking me?" I murmured.

"Somewhere warm and safe where you can sleep it off."

I vaguely remember being lowered on to something soft that smelled a little bit like grass. Eric lay down beside me and wrapped us in a blanket. I was out like a light.

I woke up the next day feeling like I had the worst hang-over ever. My head was on his shoulders and he had his arms around my waist. I looked up to see Eric staring back at me with soft and caring eyes.

"What time is it?"

"Almost 10 am. How do you feel?"

"Shit. I feel like an idiot," I said a little embarrassed.

"Good, maybe next time you won't do something stupid like dropping acid," he joked.

Jesus Christ, that man knew how to make me see red.

"Look I don't remember much, but I'm pretty sure you took care of me. I appreciate it, but I'm sorry you had to do that. Now, would you please tell me where the hell I am so I can go find my friends?" I tried to get up, but Eric pulled me back into his arms.

"For the love God, why do you have you be this way, Sookie? I said I'd take care of you, I made a promise and I kept it this time. Can't you just…fuck, I don't know…talk to me without going off every time? I fucked up, I know I did. And I'll keep apologizing for it forever, but I can't change what happened."

"So, by taking care of me now, you're trying to make up for bailing four years ago? I feel so special, really I do." Sarcasm wasn't my thing and I wanted nothing more than punch him in the gut, but he was holding on to me too tightly.

"Look, I can't ever make up for leaving. Taking care of you yesterday wasn't about that…I just…fuck…"

I wiggled free of his arms and got up. Apparently we were in some kind of barn. Where, I still had no idea.

"Whatever you have to say Eric, you better do it now. My head is hurting like hell and I really just want to go back to the camp, pack up my things and go home."

Eric was lying on his back in the hay, looking up at the vaulted ceiling. After a short period of time, he turned his head and looked at me.

"Why do you think I kept coming over to your house when we were living Bon Temps?" he asked in an even voice.

"Easy, you and Jason were best friends. You and the rest of the guys were always at our house," I said a little confused. Eric let out a slight huff and shook his head.

"Yeah, that was part of it, but for the most part it was because of you. I didn't date anybody growing up because they weren't you. I guess I always felt that way, but when I saw you on your 15th birthday something just clicked into place. I couldn't act on it, first of all Jason would have beaten me to bloody pulp for going after his sister. Secondly, God you were only 15, it would have been wrong on so many levels. But I loved you. I still don't know if you're with Bill or not, but I saw something between you, I wanted to smash his face in for touching you. Look, I fucked up. I slept around before and after I left Bon Temps, I tried to get you out of my head, but nothing worked. When Jason got killed I couldn't be around you because I knew you'd find out what a failure I was. But know this, I still love you. I'll never stop loving you," his voice and eyes were pleading.

How do you respond to something like that? My entire life I thought I was just one of the boys. I wasn't a tomboy or anything, it felt natural for me to hang with them and they accepted me for some reason. And now one of those boys was laying his heart out to me. I would never have thought it was possible for somebody to love me like that. Of course I knew my Gran loved me, but this was completely different. I'd never been in love. I liked Bill, but our relationship was entirely physical, nothing more. To be truthful, I had pretty much given up on the thought of finding somebody. Sure I was only 20, but I just didn't think there would be anybody out there for me. There weren't any signs of how Eric felt when we were growing up, he was keeping his cards close to his body, I guess for good reasons. I wish he'd said something before he left. I recall wishing I was like my girlfriends with their crushes, but the only attractive guys, Eric especially, were practically my brothers. I was shocked to say the least. Minutes passed, I struggled to find words, but they wouldn't come. Eric was the first to speak.

"You don't have to say anything, I know it's a lot to take in, I just needed you to know," he sighed.

"He's not my boyfriend," I whispered.

Eric cupped my face with his hands and gently stroked my cheeks, yet again wiping away the tears rolling down my face and smiled at me.

"Can we hang out today? Get to know each other again, please?" I nodded, still unsure of what to say. "Good. Now you need to eat something. Amelia packed some apples, bread and water for us last night," he said cheerfully.

"I'm not hungry."

"You still need to eat though. After the trip you were on last night your body needs to recuperate. So eat up!" His grin lit up his face, God I had missed that. I shook my head and rolled my eyes, which only made him laugh harder.

After eating we went back to the camp, where Amelia threw herself at me, hugging me so hard I was afraid she would cut off my air supply. Bill was nowhere to be seen. Tray said he'd hooked up with the brunette, Lorena, from last night and decided to spend the rest of the festival with her. Fine by me. We hung out with Amelia and Tray for a few hours, but decided to go off on our own so we could have some privacy and talk.

We talked about everything. His time in California- he'd lived in San Francisco for four months and worked at a record store, but moved on to Seattle for a few weeks, eventually making his way to Canada where he'd spend the most time. I asked him about Pamela and her son – they were both doing great. Pamela had earned enough money to open up her own clothing store and her son was doing great in school. Eric had visited them in Shreveport a few times, but never stayed long. Eric asked me about my studies and my hopes of becoming a teacher. I told him I wanted to be a high school teacher and that I wanted to move back to Bon Temps at some point. Gran was a sore topic, he felt so bad about leaving, but I assured him she was alright, we were both alright. He wanted to know how Terry and Lafayette were doing. They were both struggling with post traumatic stress, although that term wasn't used until the 70's, but I think living at Gran's helped, she let them deal the way they each needed to and helped when she could.

We made our way back to Amelia and Tray in order to listen to Credence Clearwater Revival and Janis Joplin, who was playing right after Credence. By the time she was done, we were both hungry and a little cold, so we gathered up some food from the camp and went over to the barn again. We ate mostly in silence. It had been an amazing day. It felt natural and comfortable to be around the old Eric again. Tray and Amelia seemed to like him.

"Eric, why are you sleeping in a barn and not in camps like the rest of us?" I had been wondering how he managed to score such luxuries, compared to our sleeping arrangement.

"Well, I arrived with the construction crew and organizers. Mr. Yasgur, who owns the land, allowed me to sleep in here provided I took some photos of the family and the farm."

"Sweet deal," I said.

"Yeah…Listen about what I said this morning…" I cut him off before he got a chance to finish.

"You aren't taking back what you said? Oh God you are, aren't you?"

My heart was starting to race. I didn't want him to take it back. The short time we had spent together during the last couple of days I had come to realize that I needed Eric in my life. He was home to me.

Eric pulled me into his lap.

"Of course I'm not taking it back. I need you to know…"

Right now I didn't want to hear what he had to say. I needed to show him how I felt. I turned around in his lap so I was straddling him and pressed my lips to his. He was hesitant at first, but soon he was leaning into the kiss. It was slow and tender at first, but I needed more. I slipped my hand into his hair and pulled myself closer to him, rubbing myself slightly against his crotch, I admit it was a dirty trick, but it worked, I felt him grow hard under me. He pulled back a bit, both of us gasping for air,

"Sookie…"

"Shut up! Do I really need to get angry with you again?"

He didn't need more encouragement. He kissed me again, fiercely, and turned us around so we were lying down in the hay. His hands caressed my body, sliding under my sweater and cupped my breasts, making small circles on my sensitive nipples. I moaned into his mouth – pressed my hand on his lower back urging him closer to me, feeling his hardness pressing against my center. He made quick work of my sweater and took his own shirt off in the process. The contrast of his hard body against mine was astounding. Eric looked into my eyes, caressing my face with the back of his hand, placing soft kisses on my mouth.

"You don't have to do this…" he spoke softly.

I let my tongue glide over his lips, pressing lightly to gain entrance, assuring him I wanted nothing more than to be with him. Eric moved his lips to my jaw line, kissing his way down to the spot behind my ear, taking the lobe between his lips and gently sucking on it. I let my hands wander down his muscular back and moved my hands to the front of his jeans, attempting to unzip them. Eric grabbed my hands, raised my arms above my head and pinned me down.

"Patience is a virtue," he whispered huskily.

He trailed his tongue down my neck, down my collarbone to my right breast, making goose bumps emerge on my skin. The feel of his wet tongue made my whole body shiver with anticipation. He took my nipple in his mouth and sucked, adding a little biting in the process. I hissed from the swift pain it brought, but found that I liked it and it made me wetter than I'd ever been before. Eric moved his left arm down my side, still keeping my arms pinned down with his other hand, and stroked my other breast, pinching my hard nipple. He continued his delicious assault with his mouth down my flushed body, kissing and teasing his way towards the waistband of my skirt. He released my arms, and in one fluid motion he had swept the skirt off of my body.

He was still for a moment and just watched me laying there in the hay, completely exposed. "Beautiful," he mumbled and bent his body down towards my legs and began to kiss and caress upwards, spreading them as he went along. He nuzzled my thighs and growled the closer he got to his destination. I wasn't sure what to expect, frankly I was terrified. Bill had never done anything like that before – sure he had used his fingers, but never his mouth or tongue. When I finally felt his tongue slide against my folds my whole body jerked. Eric smiled against me and rested an arm on my stomach, holding me in place. He slid his tongue inside of me and moved it in and out at a steady pace, using his thumb to massage my throbbing nub. My orgasm was fast approaching. I bucked my hips trying to make Eric move faster, but he wouldn't budge. Instead he replaced his tongue with a finger, teasing my entrance and slowly eased it inside of me. The moment he curled it to reach spots I didn't know existed, I lost it. I yanked him up by the hair and crashed my lips to his, biting his lower lip. I reached down, undid his pants, and grabbed his hard member, gasping when I realized the size of him and looked down.

"Sweet Jesus…" I moaned.

Eric smirked at me and wrapped his hand around mine. Together we guided him to just the right spot. He slowly pushed inside of me. I clung to his shoulders wanting to get closer and somehow he knew exactly what I needed. I wrapped my legs around his hips and lifted us up so he was on his knees, creating an amazing sensation as my clit rubbed against his skin. He moved us slowly at first, but I needed more, and pressed the back of my heels against his back, urging him on. He grabbed my ass, increasing the speed of his thrust, reaching yet another spot I didn't know.

"Aaah…Eric…" I screamed throwing my head back.

He grabbed my neck and pulled my head forward again.

"Look at me!" he growled.

My eyes didn't leave his - I felt him grow inside of me and knew he was as close as I was to completing. His pace quickened and I tightened my inner muscles around him. He thrust three more times inside, hitting just the right spot - my orgasm set him off and he released inside of me.

Panting and gasping we slowly rocked through the after-waves. He pressed his forehead against mine. The look in his eyes made me want to cry – love and devotion flickered across them. I kissed him tenderly, trying to show him I felt the same way.

Still inside of me, he gently lowered us back down in the hay, positioning us so I was on top of him.

"I love you," he whispered as we both fell asleep.

I woke in the middle of the night wrapped in Eric's arms and still on top of him. He was rubbing small circles on my back with his fingertips. I looked at him, and he seemed to be deep in thought.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked

"I have to tell you something," he sighed, almost sounding defeated. "Promise to hear me out before you say anything, okay?"

"Okay," I said and lifted my upper body as to get a better look at him.

"I'm leaving in a few hours, Sookie. I tried to tell you before…"

I immediately got up, frantically searching for my clothes. This had all been one huge mistake. I shouldn't have come to the festival. I should have just stayed back in Bon Temps for the rest of the summer, so this would never have happened. The only other time I cried this much was when Jason died, but this weekend had opened up the flood gates all over again. Eric got out of the hay and tried to embrace me, but I started pounding my fists on his chest just like four years before.

"You sick bastard! How could you do this again?"

"It's not like that, it's not like that. The New York Times is sending me to Saigon in a few days, as a photographer. I don't know for how long, but I'm coming back, I promise, I'm coming back. I have to do this," his voice was low, barely a whisper. I could hear, by the sound of his voice, he was trying to hold back tears.

"You'll come home in a coffin like the rest of them," I sobbed into his chest.

"I won't, I'm coming back in one piece, I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"Oh, I intend to keep this one," he said, kissing the top of my head.

"So help me God, if you get killed I'll dig up your grave and beat the shit out of you, Eric Northman."

"I have no doubt you will," he chuckled.

We made love again that night, however this time it was slow, unhurried. We savored each other and the remaining hours we had left.

At 8 a.m. I walked Eric into town where he had to catch a bus to New York. We didn't say goodbye, there was no need for adieus. Everything we had needed to say had come out during the night.

The walk back to the camp was painful, but I understood why he had to leave. He had to prove, not only to himself, that he hadn't failed Jason and the others. He wanted to honor them by going to Vietnam and telling the story of our boys through his photos.

I told Amelia everything that had happened; Eric's declaration, finding out how I truly felt about him, making love and that he once again would leave. They agreed to take me back to school right away, missing out on the last day of the festival, not that it mattered.

Once back at Sarah Lawrence, I called Gran and told her about meeting Eric and his decision to go to Vietnam. She said she already knew, Eric had finally called her and told her everything.

School started again and I buried myself in work, staying away from drugs. Eric would write me a few times a month and I picked up a copy of The New York Times everyday. Seeing his photos was my way of dealing with his absence and it confirmed to me that he was still alive.

I got my graduate degree a few years later, went back to Bon Temps and started teaching at the local high school. The War went on; the population's support became smaller and smaller. In the beginning 80% of the population had been for America's participation, but the number decreased every year. Life went on; I loved my job as a teacher and took great pleasure in having an influence on the young minds of the future. Lafayette and Terry both moved out of the house. Terry had married a sweet girl, Arlene and Lafayette had found a place of his own. Gran was getting older, but still the same caring and loving person as ever.

In late April 1975, President Ford declared that the War was over and the immediate evacuation of servicemen, U.S. citizens, South Vietnamese, U.S., and foreign nationals began. Eric kept his promise and came back, unharmed, a few weeks later and moved to Bon Temps to be with me.

A month after Eric's return we got married. We had wasted so many years apart that we didn't want to go through a lengthy engagement. One year later we welcomed our first child, Adia, and two years later, baby Jason was born. Things weren't perfect, but we were happy and put the past behind us.

One of the students asked me today if I regretted anything I had experienced growing up. Nothing, I regret nothing – each thing that happened made me the woman I am today.


End file.
